'To die would be an awfully big Adventure...'

Beautiful <3

A new year starts and I guess my only vow is that I will try harder to keep this blog going. That and the fact I need to sort my life out and become more organized, not leaving everything to the last minute!

Last year was pretty special, it had ups and downs, feeling like I was loosing some of the friend times that I had before but I think that’s getting a little better now. I have been back at uni and am training to be a teacher… finally getting my act together and doing something with my life. It’s stressful and hard work but fun at the same time.

I have some amazing friends and although one of them has now moved away… my best one to be precise, I hope that everything goes well for her in her new job and new home. I have an amazing boy who has made me ridiculously happy the past year and has actually put up with me for a whole year!

I hope the new year brings more of my amazing friends, fantastic boy and a good career please xxx

Wow, haven’t updated since Christmas. Time for an update then I feel. Shall we do this by months that had exciting things in them?

FEB: My birthday comes first. This was very fun and enjoyable as I got kidnapped and taken to a secret location which was in fact a swimming pool for a late night dip. My friends are pretty awesome. Next comes Valentines day. Now I am someone who never has a valentine, unless you count my mother writing a card and signing it Mr Valentine, cheesy but sweet. This year however I did. He took me away and treated me a bit like a princess and we even found a new restaurant with the best desserts ever!

JUNE: Around this time I finished my degree and now I can say that I have letters after my name. I am now Kelly Loughlin BA. How exciting. 

AUGUST: This is the month of working hard and going camping. Hanging with friends and going out lots. Then finding out you restart uni in one weeks time! Yep! I am going to UEA to do a PGCE in early years-primary meaning by next year I could be teaching. 

Lastly on this update I would like to say that I have some truly amazing friends and I lost my best friend a few weeks back as her family moved to York. I will miss her lots and lots but I wish her the best and really hope she gets her London job. I would also like to say that my mr is still pretty awesome and he is still putting up with me after almost 9 months which I am rather happy about. I love him very much indeed and I think, and hope haha that he feels the same.

Well until next time, I will try to update more. Not that this is ever read by anyone.

xXx 

Its been a long time since I last wrote on here, before christmas apparently. Lots of things have changed. Some good. Some bad. I feel a lot better in myself and a lot happier too. I have just handed in my last ever written essays for my degree, two performances to go and i’m done. :)

I feel that since Christmas i’ve lost touch with certain people and i miss them a lot but i don’t think they know it. I’ve been busy and so have they and i know it’s not an excuse on my part but i’m worried they think i’ve given up on them for a boy. Maybe i have but i haven’t meant it to seem like that. I just feel that when i only see him for 2 days of the week i like to see him as much as i can… i’ve been a rubbish friend and i get that… but they could contact me too.

I have a boy <3 he is lovely and i am content. I don’t like our goodbyes but it’s almost summer now and i’m coming home for good :)

Summer: i cant actually wait. i want to party. i want to see everyone. i want a miniture break if possible. beach. barbeques. FRIENDS.

I dont want goodbyes…. maybe i can rekindle those friendships…. if theyll still have me.

So here is a countdown of all things good and bad in the lead up to Christmas. Five of each for the 1st of December.

let’s start bad:

1. Housemates are still at hospital, have been since last night and i’m still not totally sure of what’s happening.

2. Essays are actually a pain. I have done it and i’m re-doing it as i want it to be good, i hate having to write them as they give me headaches.

3. I’m tired and i can’t stop it. My thyroids actually want me to die before the end of term.

4. My house is FREEZING cold. Ridiculous amounts. It’s a surprise that icicles arent hanging from the ceiling yet.

5. Things could still go wrong. I don’t think I could handle that.

GOOD :)

1. In 11 days i come home for christmas i cant wait.

2. I only have one essay and a comentary and after thurs my editing should be done.

3. It’s now advent. My excuse for chocolate as breakfast.

4. I’ve seen the coke ad and we all know what that means! :)

5. I’m so happy at the moment with how everything is. Content beyond belief. I like him a lot.

This song actually sums up everything i am feeling right now. It’s by Paramore, go check it out. Sometimes I think this is my only release coz the one person who probably needs to read this never will as far as i’m aware. I need help and advice it seems. This next paragraph is specifically for them as they cant see this but I need to get it off my chest before I actually burst!

I wish that it was simple to tell you how i’m feeling right now. I’m scared, scared as hell that I like you more than I wanted to, scared that this will all end soon, you’ll get bored of me and won’t be able to be around me which doesn’t bode well as all our friends are the same. I wish I knew how you felt, I wish you’d tell me. I wish that even though in the back of my mind I know it’s not the case you would seem to like me when your not under the influence of alcohol. I wish you wanted to spend time with me just as an ‘us’ rather than always having everyone around and then feeling like I don’t exist. I wish I could tell you all of this and find out what we are. I wish I knew if you think were together coz to be honest I sure as hell don’t know if we are but i’m not looking and I don’t want anyone else. I wish you would read this and help me sort things out, but I know you wont and that is also comforting.

wow thats something aint it, i have a lot of feelings right now and none of them good. i wish i wasnt at uni coz i think then things would be clearer, or if i lived at home and commuted. i’m feeling low and my thyroids are playing up which makes me more down and constantly tired and i feel like im not good enough all the time. i wish this wasnt such a down post, i wish it could have been more upbeat but right now i dont feel it.

-x-

Its late at night but i’m gonna post because i’m keeping up to date with things. I’m sitting on my bed listening to Tyler Hilton, Glad thinking how the song is so relevant. I’m an idiot, an absolute idiot when it comes to boys. I think i’m clueless, if anyone has any lessons they know about can they please let me know. For once things seem to be going okay and I don’t want to talk about it incase I jinx it. I just wish I knew where I stood. I wish I knew where I wanted to be standing. If you get a chance listen to the song it’s pretty damn good. Argh, I hate being one of those girls who thinks everything through about a 1000 times making each scenario to be worse, especially when I dont worry about things and then get what I don’t when I am. For example, last night didn’t get text back, assumed asleep that’s fine, no worrying there. This morning woken by a text saying sorry they’d fallen asleep so hadn’t replied. Tonight no text back, now I worry and nothing! Frustrating. To top it off had a rubbish evening/day too.

Thank god it’s the weekend soon and I get my girl time/catch up. No promises though girls that I’ll disclaim anything, really don’t wanna jinx this and screw it all up when it’s going so good.

night all, my 9am lectures gonna be oodles of fun! x

So here we are, havent been on for a few days as ive been busy back at home : ) i love being at home where creature comforts are always there and the people love you because you are you. well whats been happening. lets see…

friday we went to lukey and gemmas to watch derren brown, not sure what actually happened there, got you talking though. saturday was fun days with the mother, we went shopping and i got some new bedsheets and cushions :) yes jody cushions! its awesome are cushion room is well on its way to happening next year! then it was front time. sadly kylie is still ill and she couldnt come out but next weekend yes?! sunday i went with daddy dearest to see TOY STORY IN 3D!!!! it was wicked, loved every second. i want one of those little alien things they are pretty cute. they sell talking ones in the disney store for a tenner but i cant afford that.

things seem to be looking up for me but i dont wanna get my hopes up so im just gonna play things by ear, whichever way you look at it im pretty happy right now and feel very comfortable with things. looking forward to another fun filled weekend back in the home town with a gig and a catch up with an old friend.

trying to figure out halloween costumes with edd and whilst he can start planning his i am stuck! i was thinking wonder woman but dont know if i can find all the stuff for it. if not im thinking little red riding hood, tinkerbelle or peyton in tree hill with the whole angel of death as i have most of the clothing for that. was thinking maybe GI Jane? ahhhh i dont know. what i do know is for halloween in cambridge i am audrey hepburn :) dead celebs at ARU x

burningloynes:

I also would like a tattoo of a lion on my ankle/foot. I may have drawn this in pen on my ankle, VERY badly, tonight and will probably regret that tomorrow.

I think I may love you Jody Lions xxx

I had a very good summer thank you very much and part of that involved seeing this film. It is an awesome film, highly recommended that you see it! Soundtrack is pretty special too. Tonight I saw it for the second time with my housemate and neighbour and it was just as good as I remember it being. Don’t go with a boy unless you enjoy defending your own sex is all I can say. I still had fun anyway haha.

Today was quite productive for me, I went to a dissertation meeting, apparently now this year is very important and all that jazz as it means a degree at the end of all this madness. I study drama and media so maybe its bad that today I decided I might want to write. I’ve always liked to write but never finished a book that I started. When I was little my mother used to tell me she wanted to publish my stories.

I even went to the gym, yay go me :)

Anyways I have a 9am lecture and in order to be alive for it I should probably get some sleep. G’night to all, sweet dreams.

‘she’s got you high and you don’t even know yet’.